Seventh Post: Choice

Hey there bloggers! Yesterday my niece Alyssa turned ten. Double digits were a HUGE deal to her, and she's been talking about her perspective plans for a sleepover party for months. She also wanted to go to disney world and medieval times, those plans did not fall through but we did host a sleepover party at our house! So, two weekends ago, from 6pm-11am there were nine fourth grade girls running around my house. The sleepover went pretty smoothly, the girls had a scavenger hunt, decorated pumpkins, played games, and it seemed like everyone was having fun, until it was way past their regular bed time.

          From the sleepover I noticed a couple of things that I found interesting and notable in the socialization of Alyssa and her friends. Firstly I noticed off the bat that there was one girl, we'll call her Rachel, that the girls seemed to tease. Rachel sort of subjected herself to it. For example she's been to my house many times and asked Alyssa how many dogs we have...she tried to justify this by saying that she didn't mean real dogs, but that didn't really make sense and the girls all giggled. Also during the scavenger hunt when the rules were first read she just headed out in front of her friends, and during another clue she waited behind to change into slippers while the girls all ran in front. So, even though Rachel was subjected to the teasing I also think she sort of separated herself from the girls.

          Later when it was past midnight and the girls were all beyond cranky but still determined stay up late, fighting their tiredness caused some aggression. The girls continuously walking up and down stairs got both my sister and I out of bed so we separately went to talk to them. Alyssa reported back to us that Rachel was being mean to everyone. I tried to explain to her that it sounds a lot more practical for 8 girls to be mean to one than for 1 girl to be mean to 8. It was more than likely that the girls were teasing Rachel and when she tried to fire back they immediately accused her of being the mean one and responded as the victims.As I tried to explain this Alyssa stuck to her response, suggesting that Rachel was making everyone cry and that her sleepover party was a disaster. Than when my sister went downstairs to check on the girls that didn't retreat to my living room she said Rachel was balling and another girl was trying to console her. After all this "drama" wound down the overtired group went to sleep and in the morning they were all best friends again. I had over heard Rachel pick a fight about potato chips but for the most part everything from the night before seemed to be forgotten. Although, yesterday at dinner Alyssa told me Rachel said Alyssa's birthday party wasn't fun. I told her it was probably because everyone was mean to her and yet again Alyssa told me Rachel is mean to all of them. 

         Ever since I was in middle school the problem of girl bullying was often stressed to me and my classmates. So I am aware it is a problem especially in adolescent girls but I did not realize it on set so early. In every scenario I have seen for anti bullying, the bully is intentionally trying to harass her victim, but Alyssa and her friends seem truly unaware that when Rachel is seemingly mean to them it is a response to them being mean to her. Alyssa even said if she is mean to one of the girls they are all mad/upset. This is simple conformity, when a group bigger than two people agree with an idea that seems appealing or "right" more people are likely to follow their opinions, in Alyssa's case causing a shared hatred for one of their other "BFF'S". This common dislike isn't an elementary school thing, it occurs in my high school, at my sisters work, and even between my Mom's bunco friends. But the difference is we are all aware of it and know how to properly handle being grouped with someone you don't really like.Alyssa and her friends have been grouped with the same classmates for five years, not really being given the option to make new friends or leave old friends because there are only so many other girls in the grade. Conditioned to be friends with everyone throughout elementary school I think the girls are more likely to retreat to teasing, disrespecting someones feelings, and overall bullying, while still having play dates and engaging in activities (Alyssa and Rachel carpool for cheer leading practice and use to take gymnastic classes together) with the person that is subjected to this treatment. 

        Traditionally education on girl bullying starting in middle school made sense, but now with children hitting puberty at an earlier age than they did in the past I am sure their hormones subject them to being more emotional, dramatic, and well "catty" at an earlier age. While their emotions are maturing their mindset is still elementary so it doesn't surprise me that Alyssa did not realize how Rachel is the victim in this situation.  But, does this mean girls should be educated on girl bullying earlier than middle school? Would they be mature enough to understand the consequences of their actions? Or would the efforts be ineffective?